Once again,I've caught myself looking down on the world , regardless of the million times I promised not to.It's pity and ludicrous at the same time , how we think we are happy, and then in one particular moment we actually realize we have been deluding ourselves for quite a while.And surprisingly, it comes like a bolt from the blue.We had been fooling ourselves so efficiently that we actually believed.Which , to some extend, is good , because convincing ourselves in something we firstly didn't believe is the first step of changing our state of mind,life and our whole existense.BUT, we simply shouldn't let it all collapse in front of our eyes.We should keep on going until it all becomes reality.And I am obstinately trying to persuade myself to clasp the happiness with both my hands and to never release it again.It would have been much easier if it wasn't that lonesome atmosphere which as though is aiming to eat me alive.The statement that we are so much together , but we are dying of loneliness keeps running in the head.Because it is so fuckin true,it hurts.
Is it that we are always forgetting to be grateful , or is the world that became one bleak and drab place?I'd be glad if it was our lack of thankfulness , but unfortunately things are going the other way.I can see it their eyes.I haven't seen true happiness in a while.And I am sure I didn't , because it stands out in the crowd.People are shining , their faces are gleaming and they are as if spreading happiness around. This is gone , somewhere far.Now , even smiling at a stranger as a sign of positiveness has become so rare , that I'd rather not doing it than scaring the shit out of someone.
and it hurts to see how people are drifting around like thunder-clouds , showing nothing but their grumpy faces.
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15.12.13
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